It’s a Wonderful Vaccine

You’ve heard too much about this already, but I just gotta add the Slishman slant. Anti-vaccinators are getting pummeled by doctors, parents, movie stars and everyone in between. But parents that I meet who choose not to vaccinate rarely seem to do so out of malice or laziness. More often they’re just really caring people who’ve done their own risk analyses, which turn out do differ from mine. I don’t agree with their assessments, in the same way that I don’t agree with folks who choose to drive cross-country for fear of flying. But I’m not going to spank either group.

I consider the resurgence of these forgotten bugs to be more of a marketing failure by the vaccination industry, than an idiot uprising. If I had the wheel I’d take these steps:

  • Start by finding a Jenny McCarthy who can sell a compelling story supporting vaccines. Penn and Teller or Jimmy Kimmel, while funny, probably won’t do. And neither will actual data.
  • Maybe there could be a remake of “It’s a Wonderful Life,” where a good guy like Jonas Salk visits a world as it might have been without him and vaccines.
  • In parallel I’d work to develop oral vaccines. Having watched my wife down a bag of Cheetos yesterday, it’s clear to me that we’re way more fearful of molecules by arm than molecules by mouth.
  • Then I’d find a new word for “vaccine.” The word itself seems to scare parents as much as their kids now. Whoever named kale or quinoa needs to get on the stick here. I like “bug blaster,” sold alongside all the other GNC blasters.
  • What if vaccines were sold for ghastly amounts following the car seat industry lead? (Thinking like a freak here. I don’t actually want this, but curious what may be the effect.)

That’s all I’ve got. If you want to drive instead of fly, have a nice ride. If you crash or find weird spots on your face, Pre-R will still be there for you… in spirit.

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